Fucking Blah...

Well, I just found out today that a guy I've been working on getting a film made on has a producer interested in his story. It's always been the agreement that if someone big came along, I'd step aside. Still, I'm hurt. My stomach is starting to hurt in a way it hasn't in a long time. Strange, but it feels like a break-up. Perhaps I wasn't suited to make it anyhow, though I'm not sure, but it still really sucks, especially after realizing how many hours I spent trying to write the screenplay, then lately at least thinking up new plans for a documentary.

He also said in his e-mail that:

"My agent says that if you are in the film business, you understand how these things work, and that any rumblings from other quarters could mess up the deal."

Sure, I fucking understand that. That's not the issue. You always sort of hope for something new and different to come along. So I wrote him a sort of cold e-mail, using passive-aggressive phrases like "I guess you have to go where the money is," etc.

Cold and pissy at the same time. I hate feeling so goddamned cut off, and as if I ask to work on it to some degree, I'm practically begging to be a PA. I wouldn't have a huge role in it - and again, I wasn't promised any such thing - and there's a chance I wouldn't be happy. Quite frankly though, I would want to work on it because I have to go where the money is, too. I really can't be angry at him. Or shouldn't. But something is pissing me off. I should go eat.

I guess what's pissing me off is that quite frankly I never put enough time into it. And now I'm paying for it.

Fuck this noise.