Spokane, WI -
Local college student Greg Lipsky, 22, spent two hours Saturday morning reading the latest issue of satirical news publication "The Onion," in it's entirety, out loud to his roommate, Jon Devlin, 20, who couldn't possibly give less of a shit.
"It's like he thinks he's as funny as the shit he's reading," Devlin said. "And he's really not." Among the articles read out loud to Devlin, who spent the better part of the morning trying to inch his way to the bathroom but instead politely stood there and smiled, was "Local Man Really Excited to Be Here."
"That one was pretty good," Devlin said, smiling for the first time during the interview. "They do that whole 'making something funny out of something mundane' thing pretty well. But that's them. Not Greg. Who is an ass."
Among Devlin's chief complaints is the fact that Lipsky, a Mass Communications major, barely took a breath between each article. "He had like twenty Safari windows open at the same time so he didn't have to hunt down each article after the next." Sources have it that Lipsky, who defends his actions, was up until approximately 4:45 AM Saturday morning preparing the articles for his 10 AM marathon-read.
"I don't get what he's bitching about," Lipsky countered. "He's always reading the news and shit to me, like I care. What does that prove? That he knows that something just happened? Big effing deal. At least I'm proving to him I know humor when I read it." Lipsky's assessment, says Devlin, couldn't be further from the truth.
"He's a stupid dick. And he's not funny." Devlin now plans to spend the entirety of next weekend reading Wikipedia entries out loud to Lipsky in hopes he might "learn his fucking lesson. And learn he's not funny. What a dick."
